Crime jokes
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?
Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"