Crime jokes
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
Why did an orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."