It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
