Crime jokes
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
It's not rape if she doesn't say no.
Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.