Crime jokes

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.