Crime jokes

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?

White vans.

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

It's not rape if she doesn't say no.

Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.