Crime jokes

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."