Crime jokes
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.
I think someone must've poached it.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
I have a body count of 7.