Crime jokes

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.