Crime jokes
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
Who's Joe?
Joe rapes.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?
Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.