Crime jokes

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.