Crime jokes

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

It's not rape if she doesn't say no.

Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.