I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
Crime Jokes
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
