Crime jokes
What do you call a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Cosby?
Predator.
Why can't orphans play GTA? Because they're not wanted.
Robyn Olive in 10.
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.