Crime jokes

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

Age is just a number,

Jail is just a room.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."

Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Not done yet.

Now they are.

What's black on top and white on the bottom?

rape.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.