Crime jokes

What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?

They can blow themselves up.

me: I'm going to steal your heart.

her: omg that's so romantic!!

me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.

A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

What kind of star would go to jail?

A shooting star!

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

I crashed into those motherfuckers! 😂😂😂

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."