Crime jokes

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?

They can blow themselves up.

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.

A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

What kind of star would go to jail?

A shooting star!

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

I crashed into those motherfuckers! 😂😂😂

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?

They say he had locomotives.

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

To get to the other preschool.