Crime jokes
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
someone explain these options to me
Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?