Crime jokes
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
What's blue, red, and white and dead all over?
Trump's dead Russian mates.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for? Stringing a minor.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.