Crime jokes
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
What's blue, red, and white and dead all over?
Trump's dead Russian mates.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?
Ask him to tell a rape joke.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"
Because the cheese got raped.