Crime jokes
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
Why do pedophiles never win a race? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Why did the woman feel ugly?
A. Nobody would even rape her.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
Joseph Rosenbaum died doing what he loved: chasing minors.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.