Crime jokes

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.

What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...

You get to meet Chris Hansen!

What did the rape victim give to her rapist?

Head.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

I cummed on the alley.

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.

There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.

What was the guitar teacher arrested for? Stringing a minor.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?

The prostitute can blow you more than once.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What is black and blue and really hates sex?

The six-year-old in my basement.