Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
Why did the terrorist not go undercover?
Because he blew it!
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
What's with all the orphan jokes? Kinda sus. #fbi
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
