Crime jokes
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Memes
Facts
"Rape is funny until it's your little sister or daughter getting raped."
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
Why did the rape victim cross the road?
Because she was a chicken!
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
I'm Batman.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
Rape is not a joke.
No such thing as peados.... itβs all nonce-sense!
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue π΅