Crime jokes
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
What do you call a triggered white kid?
A school shooter!
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.