Crime jokes
Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"
Because the cheese got raped.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
What do you call a triggered white kid?
A school shooter!