Crime jokes

I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.

Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

The hooker can wash out her crack and reuse it.

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"

Mom: "He got inside a white van."

Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

The only thing shittier than rapeboats rhymes are his jokes.

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

I raped your mom. I flipped her upside down and called the position "wow."