Crime jokes

Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

Because most kidnappers use a family van.

Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well...

ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...

What does Sonic say when he's bored?

Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because at least they can be wanted!

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

Not everyone is perfect. Just take Charles Manson, for example.

There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.

An orange jumpsuit that is :)

According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they want to be wanted.

What's orphans favorite game to play?

GTA5 because they want to be wanted!

R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.