Crime jokes
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.
Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.
School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.
I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.