Crime jokes

What is the favorite city of the pedophile icon? Paris.

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?

Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.

What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?

They both empty their sacks around children.

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away!

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.