Crime jokes
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
"Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."
What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?
They both lie over little boys 😂
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"