Crime jokes
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
There is a dark alley. Who do you call?
Batman.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.