Crime jokes

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"

What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

Why did the priest buy a clown suit?

Because the old one had blood all over it.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

What was the most famous skeleton detective in the world? Sherlock Bones!

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.