Crime jokes
I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
Memes
Dear Orphans,
I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What was the most famous skeleton detective in the world? Sherlock Bones!
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.