Crime jokes
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
It is not funny about kidnapping.
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."