Crime jokes

Why is 4/20 such an epic date?

Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)

A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they want to feel wanted.

What is the perfect job for a pedophile?

A physical doctor for kids.

Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!

Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.

How do inmates keep in touch?

They have cell phones.

Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,

If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.

How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

He didn't have the guts to see it.

Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.

Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.