Crime jokes

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.

I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?

The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

Q. What do rape victims miss?

A. Part of their brain.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.