Crime jokes
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
Memes
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.