Crime jokes
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Memes
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.