Crime jokes
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank? He did not have the guts!
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night. The little boy says, "I'm scared." The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
O-Block
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.