Crime jokes

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

I AGREE WITH EDP.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?

He made a hit and run!

When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.

Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?

Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

There is a dark alley. Who do you call?

Batman.

Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.

Why did the strawberry cry?

Her mom was in a jam.

A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.

He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.

Orphan: I want to be like Batman.

Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.