Crime jokes

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"

What was the most famous skeleton detective in the world? Sherlock Bones!

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?

Yeah, it's called RobberBand.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"