Crime jokes
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
Why was the guitarist arrested? He fingered a minor.
I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.