Crime jokes
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?
Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.
It's not rape if you both like it.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
Everyone is so sensitive about racial issues these days.
All I did was burn a couple crosses and I'm up on federal hate crime charges.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.