Crime jokes

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"

Mom: "He got inside a white van."

What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?

Prison FC

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

There is a dark alley. Who do you call?

Batman.

Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)

Zina: No! [Age] (10)

Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)

What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What's the smartest crime?

3rd degree murder.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Guys, you know any best rape roleplay? (I'm a guy, btw.)

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.