Crime jokes

What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

I am the danger.

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."

Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.

Why did the school shooter earn extra points?

Because he was on a kill streak.

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

You look like Megamind, drug dealer.

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?