Crime

Crime jokes

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Pedophile

  • What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

    They both shoot when they see kids.

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    Pedophile

  • I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

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    Game

  • There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!

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  • Rape

  • This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

    I replied, "I done it as a joke."

    -April 1, 2020

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    Guy

  • A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

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