Crime jokes
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."