Crime jokes
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?
Innocent.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.