I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
