Crime jokes
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.