Comparison jokes

Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.

You are so cat.

What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.

You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.

What’s the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and feel better.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!

Autistic kids are like cats. Prove me wrong.

What is the difference between a human and a magic house, and what do I have for dinner?

Yo mama so fat, her future is brighter than VY Canis Majoris!

I hate this website. It's retarded and 4chan is better.

What is the difference between a human and a tree?

A human can walk and a house can walk to a tree, walk home, walk, walk, and walk, walk.

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.

What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)

What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!

What's the difference between me and you?

Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.