Comparison jokes

"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!

Yo mama so fat, her future is brighter than VY Canis Majoris!

What is the difference between a human and a magic house, and what do I have for dinner?

I hate this website. It's retarded and 4chan is better.

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

What is the difference between a human and a tree?

A human can walk and a house can walk to a tree, walk home, walk, walk, and walk, walk.

Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.

What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)

What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!

What's the difference between me and you?

Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-

Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."

How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?

Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it says "to be continued."

Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.

What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.

Head look like a mf gorilla pop.

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.