Comparison jokes
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
Yo hairline is so long it makes the Titanic look tiny.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
You're more depressing than your own abortion video.
Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
What's the difference between me and you?
Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"