Contrast jokes

There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

Who's the best at musical chairs?

Stephen Hawking.

My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.

what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?

dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.

morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.

Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

Why did they invent white chocolate?

So Black people can be messy too.

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.

Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.

An Oxymoron: A “Normal Autistic”.

What's the difference between an apple and an emo kid?

One falls, while the other hangs.

Normal person: "I'm perfect!"

Goth person: "Nobody is."

There are two types of faces:

The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One reads, the other breeds.