Comparison jokes
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
You're more depressing than your own abortion video.
Autistic kids are like cats. Prove me wrong.
Down syndrome people are like dogs.
Prove me wrong.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Luke looks like Big Chungus and Fat Sonic.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.