Comparison jokes
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
Autistic kids are like cats. Prove me wrong.
Down syndrome people are like dogs.
Prove me wrong.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Luke looks like Big Chungus and Fat Sonic.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.