Comparison jokes

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

People are like trees...

If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.

Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?

Both are not a lamp.

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

What is the difference between me and a fire?

It's hot.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!