Comparison jokes

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

People are like trees...

If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.

Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.