Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
Comparison Jokes
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
