Comparison jokes

What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain Bolt can finish a race.

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.

What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!

What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?

None, because they both forget a lot.

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.

The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."

He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

Trees are just bushes with lift kits.

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.