Comparison jokes

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

Trees are just bushes with lift kits.

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.