Comparison Jokes

What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.

Trees are just bushes with lift kits.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.

What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

People are like trees...

If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.