Comparison jokes

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

Trees are just bushes with lift kits.

The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."

He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.