Comparison jokes

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.