Comparison jokes

What's the difference between babies and onions?

You don't cry cutting up babies.

Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.

What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

Trees are just bushes with lift kits.

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."

He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.