Comparison jokes

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.

Trees are just bushes with lift kits.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"