Comparison jokes

What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

What is the difference between me and a fire?

It's hot.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!

What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?

Legs.

Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!

Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?

I don't eat burritos.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?

They are both invisible.

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.

Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.