Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?

I don't eat burritos.

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.

What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?

They are both invisible.

Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.

Yo mama is so ugly, she made dirt look like a supermodel.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.

Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!

Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.

You look like a burger.

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."