Comparison jokes
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
Girls: 🙏 *Period* ✍️💅
Men: 🗿 *Growth* 🗿🗿🗿
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.
Yo mama is so ugly, she made dirt look like a supermodel.
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.