Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Your hairline is so far back Trump was ashamed.
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
300? You are a 3.0.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.