Comparison jokes
You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.