Comparison jokes
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave? The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.