Comparison jokes

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has rights.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

what's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop up an onion.