Come jokes

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”

Karma is like rape.

What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.