Why did Lucas die?
'Cause he was old, Lucas.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.