New Cause Jokes

Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?

Getting your fingers stuck in there.

Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.

Little Johnny: No, it’s my room.

Mom: Well, it’s my house.

Little Johnny: Then go clean it.

Mom: Go to school!

At school:

Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. You’re late.

Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, it’s my room, and then she said, 'Well, it’s my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.

Teacher: Johnny, go to the principal’s office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Are you a blood bender? 'Cause you're making my blood go south🖤.

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.

Why do rappers love the gym?

'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.

Why was Santa happy?

'Cause he has hoes.

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"