Jealousy jokes
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?
They’re jealous that autism can speak.
(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.
I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.
The man was dangling by a string!
I was jealous the day he died.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
I got jealous when my phone died.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
I'm jealous of the people who never met you.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
Why were the students jealous of the orphan?
He never had any homework!
(I'm going to hell for this)
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."