Cause jokes
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it got knocked down on its way.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.
And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.
Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.
Why did the clown not attack Mike? Because they bouncee.
Why do orphans not play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!