Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
why did the dog cause the fight
because it was a bulldog
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Cause their computers flashed, Virus blocked!
why does santa claus have such a big sack??
cause he only comes once a year
why does the athlete isnt in the full bus cause she is trying to fit in
Why do athletes cool down fast? Because they have fans.
Wash your hands.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Have you ever stepped foot in Stephen Hawkins house? cause hasn’t either.
Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.
“These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells.”
“oh cool”
“this is mother Teresa’s clock, the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied.”
“Makes sense”
“This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice.”
“Where’s Trump’s clock”
“Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan.”
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We're sort of alike Me: We're not alike Brother because he's taken: cause you don't have boyfriend! My thoughts: You're right. Cause I have a girlfriend!
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Roses are red violets are blue cause comes near my Willy
