Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Can Jokes
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
