Can jokes

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?

They both can crash down.

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

The types you can have.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."