Can jokes

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

The types you can have.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.