Can jokes

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!