Can jokes

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.