Can jokes

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

The types you can have.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.

Why is April the smartest month?

It can never be fooled.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."