Can jokes
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.