Can Jokes

I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Customer: Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?

Employee: Ma’am, this is an adoption agency, you can’t do that here!

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”