Can jokes

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:

"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."

Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"

The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?

Canned hunting.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"