Can Jokes

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."

Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?

A: you can ́t find your dog.

Babies can spread a nasty smell,

especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

what is the one thing cripples can't do......stand up comedy

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex.

She was too young.

When you call the middle eastern suicide hotline they ask you if you can fly a plane.

I downloaded fruit ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to Just Do It

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

what can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"it will be over soon"

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.