Can jokes
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
What is the difference between a laser beam and a trash can?
A trash can doesn't rage.
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
I look at your bro.
And all I can see is the real definition of *"Lack of Grace!"*
Why do kids have school every day? So that they can learn.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?