Can jokes
Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"
Mister: No, you shit head.
Boy: Why? :(
Mister: Because I'm not your dad.
What is a plane ✈️ that can not fly?
A fake one ☝️
I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.
Why does Trump play Minecraft?
'Cause he can build walls.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because you can take it so quickly.
Yo mama so fat I bet that her fart can clear a room in seconds.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.
Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.