Can jokes
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
New degree plans announced by Cornell University:
- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.
- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.
- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).
Who thinks people should stop doing orphan jokes? Type here so we can talk about it.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Eibar-Man! Eibar-Man! Does whatever a ghost can.
Scores a tapin With Xaviesta’s assistance. Misses a pen From close distance.
Lookout! Here comes the Eibar-man!
Can disabled enable dark mode?
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
(True story)
One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."