Arsenic jokes

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

What do you call diarrhea from a hot woman? Chocolate milk.

What do you call diarrhea from a fat woman? Arsenic.

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”