Can jokes
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Memes
What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)
β Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
β Librarian: No, because you wonβt bring it back.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human being is the one who can drive.
What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
If you are a robot, you cannot talk.
Words canβt describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!