Can jokes
What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
was uppppp
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
Hi, welcome to June's Orphanage. You make them, we bake them. How can I help you?
Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.
Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.