Can jokes
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?