Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
Can Jokes
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?
What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
