Can jokes
I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
Memes
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!