A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
Can Jokes
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
