Can jokes

What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?

Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.

What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?

Your hairline.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.

The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count and those who can’t.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

73 Earths can fit in Uranus.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.

What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?

Answer: Your right elbow.

Why can orphans not get married?

They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.