Can jokes

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.