Can jokes
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
Babies can spread a nasty smell, especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!