Can jokes
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Share the word lmfao (even tho im 5'1)
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.