Can jokes
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
She asked:
"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."