Can jokes

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?