Can jokes

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?

Answer: Ryan's forehead.

What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

Which country can swim?

Finland. Get it? Fin Land?

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

She asked:

"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"