Business jokes

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

Why is 1 equal to 22?

4 is too busy and one has the 21s to 4!

Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.

I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.

A man opened a snail farm.

He said that it is a slow-moving business.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

I blend children to make a good living.

I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.

The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

Taco Bell going out of business.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s?

I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.