Business jokes
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To drop some SWEET BEATS!
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?
Stole his slogan, just do it!
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.