Business jokes
The president of a company comes in to talk to his employees. He says, "As you know, sales have been way down and many of you are not meeting your quotas. We decided to SHAKE things up a bit and introduce you to our new Vice President: Michael J. Fox."
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
Why does Mini P.E.K.K.A. love pancakes? Because he is busy watching explicit content involving the Archers and Firecracker.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!