Business jokes
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.