Broke jokes
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes.
He didn't want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes.
He lived in a dorm, and all day he watched porn, but still he would suck on some corn.
One day he would go to choke on some tasty chode, but his bros found out, gave him a shout, and kicked him out yelling that he broke the bro code.
My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.