Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car? "How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb.
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
so my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her and she started to cry.So I'd told her a 'single' joke then she said," Go and fucking die you insensitive bitch!". I later said," ugh, fine as your BFF I will break his body for you-happy now?". She said," *sniff* yes".
I thought @$$hole trump was a businessman, not a broke man
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick to bad for her because I give good sex
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
one day a skeleton wasn't laughing someone asked him why are you not laughing it turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden, It just doesn’t make any cents!
A man broke into stevie wonders house and threatened to kill his wife
He just turned a blind eye
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger
They said time heals all wounds, well I broke your watch.
