Bought jokes
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Yo mama so stupid!
She bought a spoon... TO THE SUPERBOWL!
Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.
I had a calf for a while. The milk was bad until we bought a heifer.
Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
I just bought a book about lamps...
So I can do some light reading over the weekend.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Yo mama so dumb she bought a toolkit to open up a Roth IRA.
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
I bought drugs today.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.