Bought jokes

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

Yo mama so stupid!

She bought a spoon... TO THE SUPERBOWL!

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!

A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!

I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.

How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?

A Cor-owner.