Purchase jokes

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

Little Johnny: What are you doing?

Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!

Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

A programmer and his wife.

She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

He replies, "They had eggs."

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

Where do you buy a dishwasher?

Hot singles in your area.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

I bought a book for my blind friend.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?