Purchase jokes

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

Why did the lady go to the dealership? Because she was going to get Hereford.

Where do leg amputees go to buy a car? IHOP

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

I bought drugs today.

Why can an orphan go to a store to buy something and what can come back home?

Because they don't have a home.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?

He can't afford a family pack.

Where do orphans get stuff from?

The reject shop.

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?

A: He could not use his mother's credit card.

Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Why does an orphanage have milk?

Because Dad never came back with the milk.