Retail jokes
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Your forehead’s so big it got sponsored by GAP.
Kobi shops at Aldi.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Why can’t orphans build anything?
Because they can’t go to Home Depot.
Why can't orphans go to Costco?
Because it's a family shop.
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
You can't send an Indian to walk a corner. The only corner they will get to is 7-11.
ASDA.
Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.
Why don't terrorists like Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
What’s one store an orphan can’t shop at?
HomeGoods ;)
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
Why do orphans prefer IKEA to the Home Depot?
Because the Home Depot provides supplies for *a* home. IKEA just provides furniture.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.