Retail

Retail Jokes

Discount

What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?

Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.

  • 6
  • Gun store

    I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

    Walmart

    If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

  • 9
  • Self-worth

    People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

  • 3
  • Kelly Clarkson

    People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

    Pea

    What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?

    They both have barcodes.

    Johnny Depp

    Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.

    Comeback

    An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

    The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

    The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

    The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

    Mom

    Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!

  • 8
  • Sausage

    I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

    Cat

    Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!

  • 2
  • Scan

    Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

    Alfred: Why?

    Me: because I'm worthless... =)

    Rope

    I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

    Mama

    Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

  • 2
  • Adoption agency

    Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

    Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"