Bought jokes
Yo mama so stupid!
She bought a spoon... TO THE SUPERBOWL!
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.
So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.
And I asked him what he is doing.
Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.
Me: Erm... Are you a simp?
Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.
KG: You have it?
Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?
KG: Sure!
KG then went to her room.
Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-
KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.
KG: Have fun playing with them!
Guy: WHAT THE FU-
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.