Bought Jokes

My mom bought me a car and she called me an ungrateful b**ch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time

Were you bought on a highway . Because thats where most acidents happen

I bought a horse and named him Mayo.

Sometimes Mayo neighs.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said "I wanna watch"

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend. Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, the sharks are not even bothering him! And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

A man bought a brand new iphone but returned it, why The apple was already bitten.

One time, I bought a magnet, my wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself, I felt attracted to it.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

me and my suicidal friend are close, so i took him to the mall to treat him. we bought snacks, a new controller for his xbox and a led lights for him room to hopefully brighten his mood. after we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

a man bought steroids from Amazon.com... he was expecting a big package to cum!!!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. 3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.” 4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. 5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river. 6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils. 7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope. 8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. 9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. 10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”). 12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. 13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff. 14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. 15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. 16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. 17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

A retired george w bush is eating a donut 7/11 and looks at it "im so happy i did that' a guy over hears the conversation and says "your happy you bought that donut. Oh haha I would be too i love donuts!" george w bush then says "oh hahaha you caught me" and then says "you must of heard me wrong i said, im so happy i did 9/11"